Update

I called my mother tonight. I don't know what to say except I don't feel better, and I just know I have to accept it how it is.

Maybe I over appreciate the fact that I am not there and I cant do special things with my mom on a whim. Maybe she underappreciates that she can easily do things with Bryan and Mary with in a 2 minute phone call. I don't get to go over there and have dinner, or go out at a moments notice with her. I don't get to spend my birthday with her or enjoy the kids birthdays with her.

Maybe its because she didn't have this kind of relationship with her mom, and maybe I want something that a typical 32 (almost) doesn't want from their mother. I know it has to be hard to have kids that want to spend time with you and trying to find the time to things with them each that makes them feel special. I am not a mother though, so I honestly cant say how it feels from that prospective.

On one hand, I feel like my mother moved me up here and this is where I felt "home" is. It's not like I picked up and left my family and moved out of state. My mom picked up and moved, and I stayed. Now I feel like I am being punished for it, like because I stayed and tried to be the best Amy possible that I don't get the special time with my mom. I did choose to stay here, but the choice was because I had school and a job and that continues to this day, now with the added factor of a house.

I want to feel special in the eyes of my mom. I want to have special memories with her. I would rather live in a cardboard box and be able to remember my mom and I making something special together, then have what I have and not spend time with her. I would love to spend my birthday with her and have a mommie daughter day, but I don't get to do that.

I really wanted my mom to say, Oh... I get where your coming from.. But she cant, she doesn't and I have to deal with that.

I am not going to get over it, and nothing is going to change - so I guess I live with Tiffany's advice that time heals all wounds and I will get past this as time goes on.